Aku makan ubat kuat!

I worry about thousands of things. I think i have anxiety issue. dunno..

People think I'm strong and stuff. truth is I'm not.
eh, I dont know.. I just sort of go with the flow..
what ever comes, just face it and suck it up.!

"Kau, campak kat mana pun mesti boleh survive." been hearing this countless time.
Seriously people, where did you get this idea?? really?

So, It's been a little over a week since i came to JB. i started work on wednesday and It's okay..

the first week was hard.. struggled with quite a number of issue and I deal with those stuff ALONE. really.
 I might mengadu to a few people, and get a little help. but I did survive on my own.
I feel the loneliest last week.

I know, I dont have many friends, and I've been a bad friend to some other people. maybe i dont deserve the help I get..
But. There's this specific someone. I was counting on. I hope that person would at least ask me how I'm doing. Am I okay, or anything. Or just say hi.
BUt nahhhh...
I expect too much.  
So i stopped hoping. It's okay...

no no no.. I'm not emo tonight. semalam lagi teruk emo.. hari ni just nak meluahkan je.
I'm good, I'm good.. dont worry..

 I'm okay..

tu je la kot..
till then,

so loongg losers!

Last day!

So, this is my final week in Ipoh!
I'm resigning, effective on friday.
I was offered a training program for Oil and gas industry.
It's a great opprotunity as, after the training I'll be intervied by companies bonded with the program.
If I do well, It can be a stepping stone in my engineering carrer path.

Thing is with my current job. The company I'm working now.
So I handed in my resignation letter on Monday. I was nervous for nothing.Boss said Okay, just like that. he asked why, and said Okay.
That's it.

Later that night. he come to see me. And asked again, "why?"
so this is basically the contentof our conversation that night. roughly, what i remember.

Boss: why u want to quit?
me: Because what ido now is not related to what i study in uni.
Boss: OK. U know what i study? IT and finance, but I manage factory now, is it related?
Matthew, he studied IT, but he never work in IT. He did marketing.
With his qualification, if he work 9 to 5, he can get stable income already. but why he join this company?
because he wants to develop.
me:...
**there are more stuff he said along the way. but i forgot.**

Boss: Think of what u can gain in the future.
You want to work in engineering industry? Work under people, what'll you gain? isnt it the same thing u gain in Uni?
Here, we need u. How can u solve the problem in our company. We need you, because I know u'd be good.
If u stay, I promise, I will train you into business.
Now, U do office work, Later I'll train U how to do PR. How to talk, entertain etc.
I'm serious, think about it.
***
aku dah fikir pasal benda ni, If I stay, Aku rasa diperlukan, boleh bagi pendapat.Meanwhile, Enginnering, aku akan buat apa yang orang suruh.
Can I even say my opinion outloud?
I'm interested in Business, but communication, Talking is not my forte.


Boss: It's okay. U're not good at that now, we can do it slowly.
**Wut?? Boss? did you just read my mind. so tell him,

Me: If I stay I want to work kore on Kilang side,
Boss: No, It's better for you to work in HQ. U'll know the whole thing.. Kilang only do what we tell them to do. how much they produce etc.
Kilang only do work, Here, We DECIDE.
***
Boss nak aku stay in HQ and do PR? U're crazy??
I'm a freakin introvert! speak in Malay pun berterabur. he wants me to promote his company?? crazy guy.* thinking dalam hati.

Boss: This is where u change your mind set.
You're young, U have a lot of space to develop. All u need to do is open up your mind.
**Did he just read my mind again?
Boss: Don't worry, I can train you..

***

So I signed the agreement for the training offer. If I breach the contract I would have to pay penalty. It's quite a big amount, at least for me.
The thing is, Boss said, he's willing to pay!!
Dayumm. Apalah yang boss suka sangat dekat aku. What did he sees in me??

Boss betul2 buat aku rasa bersalah malam tu. dilema sungguh. So I think about it the whole night.

and this is what i get.


reasons to leave:
1) I don't enjoy the job much.
Why? because it doesn't challenge me intelectually. my science skills/ knowledge.
2) I can challenge myself to do PR like boss want. but, it's just not me. at least for now.
3) I want to pursue my career in engineering.
4) I can't work in 1 place forever. Let me try engineering 1st. if it doesn't work, then i'll consider business as an option.

*I've seen the opportunities, if i stay.
Right now, the company is still developing. It's still in SME status. If I stay, i can be the Big Guy in the company.
Boss is willing to mentor me into business.
Even if I don't want to be the Big guy, I can use what i learned from boss and start my own business.
I know, Boss is going to be a great mentor.

But for now, I'll just try engineering first.

I still feel guilty tho, Boss and the others are so nice to me. sayang nak tinggal, but can't just play safe and stay..

So, the desicion is made. I'm leaving!
Sorry Boss!

Till then. see you!

3rd Week

It's been 3 weeks here in Ipoh!
the haze had come and gone. been worse, then better, and worse again.
yet here I am, still surviving.

Three weeks into work, and i've gotten used to it.
At first I thought It was hard, It was a whole new world to me.
nahh.. Admin job is not easy. I was like a sponge, ready to absorb everything.
Thank goodness, now i'm OK with it..
The thing is, i work too fats, Or I think I work too fast.
I always finish my tasks wayyy earlier than the deadline.
Boss's secretary would give me stuff to do.
As example, the task is meant to be completed in two days, I can get it done in just a few hours.
too efficient. then, at the end of the day, i'll get bored. because there'e nothing to do.. LOL!

When i get bored, mula la nak mengulor. But as I'm stll in probation period, kena lah behave kan.
so I use my free time to enhance my Mandarin skill. :)
Mandarin is sooo harddd..
So far, my progress in mandarin has been slow. I can speak simple phrases, and introduce myself.. hehe

Actually, there's a call I get on friday. and I wanna talk about it. tapi tengok la nanti..

Till then, Good bye!

Ching chong Cheng Chong Cheng

Day 2.

U see, I'm the only Malay in the office.
the rest is Chinese.

The thing is, when You're the only Malay there,
 they don't really care to speak in English amongst themselves.
They speak Mandarin.

I'm kinda tired listening to their Ching chong cheng chong cheng and trying to comprehend what they're saying.
my mandarin level is zero, ZERO. YILEK.
Stree mak.
It's not racist la. They're nice people. I understand that they're more comfortable speaking in their mother language.

They Speak English when they need me to understand.
The Thing is, when we're in a group. they're talking to me, (in English) after a few seconds it become Mandarin.. what the???

Penat jugak otak den nak paham.
.
.
.
back when I was in AIESEC, my friends speak chinese a lot too. and after a while hanging out with them, I can catch phrases and understand some stuff.
but everything is a history. I forget everything already.. =_=
.
.
.
So, here i am... Challenging my self TO SPEAK MANDARIN in THREE MONTHS..
it's okay if it's not fluent. As long as I can understand and able to reply.
perghhh.. power betul cita-cita..

I have no time to sentap, because they speak a language I can't understand. It's me who should step out of my comfort zone and be better.

**esok guna internet ofice yang laju utk download Mandarin tutorial.

1 September 2015

Well Hello there!

It’s September! and it is my first day at work. 

It’s been like forever since I last wrote here.

Well, I’ve graduated from school! (convocation is in November)

I have had my share of school break at home. Been farming fat for around three months.

(Eat, Sleep, rave, repeat)

And today, 1^st of September 2015, I officially get a job! weeeee *pops fire cracker

I’m working at some random factory in Ipoh. Currently doing admin job, not engineering.

But I’m grateful to get this opportunities. Ye lah, daripada jobless, tanam anggur.It’s better for me to work and gain some experience.

Well, today was okay. I think it is normal to that first day is boring. there wasn’t so much stuff to do. I just goggled some stuff, Edit some pictures, and reorganize my working space.

My employer provides me an accommodation. The house is great! The place got swimming pool, gym and even spa! but I like swimming pool the best.. hihihi…

Can’t wait to go to work and see what’s coming tomorrow. 

wish me well!

Till then,

 Good bye!

Socially Active!

Hi! I'm back!!

Semester break finally started and here I am in school. trying hard to look good, to earn money, to finish my lab work for thesis and stuff.

So I've been socially awkward penguin for the whole semester, as I was busy being emo feeling lonely, and pushing people away with assignments and projects. which I use as an excuse to avoid human contact.
I don't think I have special outings, events/ activities with my clasmates or friends for the whole semester. well, there is/are actually, tapi boleh kira dengan jari.

As there's no classes or assignments during semester break, so I have no reasons to avoid people and social life.
So yeah, I'm BACK!! in real social life.. (not in social media. i've always been there since forever..)
Back in my wild social life. Liar dan angkuh gitu. <insert emoticon sapu nail polish>

It feels good to be back, to be present, to be recognize and to be apart of someones life. even I'm not that significant, I'm still a part of it. (wow! positif nya aku!)

It's that time of the month where I'm emotionally stable. Always happy and positive. just wait until the other time of the month where my Emo feelings kick in and I'll be all lonely and hate human existence. haha

till then, Good day!