The moment when you're just a replacement.

When the guy you had a crush on asks you out, even it's not a date, you'll feel super excited won't you??

well she does! She did feel excited.
she prepared, wore her best dress, feeling nervous and everything. All she did just to be disappointed. Just to find out that she's just a replacement. An alternative, after his first choice, his original date, his girlfriend turned him down.

They're good friends. him and her. but she had a crush on him. she likes him, and thinks he likes her too. His gestures, the way he speaks,  and he's always nice to her. Even though he never admit that he likes her, she still thinks so. She thinks he's in denial, because he doesn't want to fall in love before its time.

So that day, she went out to meet him. even it's not a date, just a regular outing. But they've never went out together. so she was excitedly nervous. she prepared, wore her best dress, put on a little make up (she never wear make up).

And so they met. He smiled, she smiled.
" I'm kinda sad today" the boy said.
"why?" she asked.
"my girlfriend doesn't want to go out with me" he said.
"what?? your girlfriend??" she laughed. thinking he's joking.
"why are you laughing? i'm serious."
"what? You? girlfriend? No way.. seriously?" she's in between shocked and confused.
He seemed serious, and she saw the look in his eyes. the being dumped look. She understands him so well, that she can read whats in his mind.

They were walking together, they eat and watched a movie. But she wasn't really there. Her mind wandered mindlessly. She's lost in her own world.

"he said he doesn't want to fall in love before the right time. He doesn't want to have any girlfriend, he doesn't want to get into any love relationship. He doesn't want any relationship commitment. And now he has a girlfriend?"

"it's okay if it hurts. i'm just happy because i get to see him. i get to be close to him"

She silently cry as she put his picture down. she hates herself for not being able to hate him. she can't bring herself to resent him even after he breaks her heart.
She missed him terribly that she cried so hard. she cried herself to sleep, hoping that day was just another bad dream.  

**the end**

Pilih Kawan

"Kenapa ramai suka kutuk orang pilih kawan or beli kawan?
and you're telling me you're not?"

saw this on twitter just now.

Most of the time, when people said, 'pilih kawan', we would think of pilih kawan yang ada standard or sama level dengan kita. atau pun pilih kawan yang banyak harta/ anak orang kaya/ famous/ pandai/ baik atau cantik.
All the physical and subjective things.

Some people think they're better than other people because they have friends from different social class. like a rich kid being friends with poor kid. or a super smart kid being friends with a down syndrome kid. or an extremely pretty girl being friends with a not so pretty girl.
physically, people will think they don't choose friends.

actually they did choose. maybe the rich kid like the poor kid because he's funny. maybe, the super smart kid befriend with the down syndrome kid because he's rich.
who knows?

We do choose friends too aren't we? we choose to be friend with people who we are comfortable with. even he's a bad guy, maybe he's nice when he's with his friends. maybe he's funny and make his friends feel good when they're around him.

we choose people who are good to us, people who listens to us. people who accept us no matter what we are.

For me, friends are the people who knows i do weird stuff, but they still like me.
people who think my ideas are bad and crazy, but they still hangout with me.
people who know i do bad stuff on people, they still stay around me.
people who know i talk nonsense, they still listen to me.


Well, i do choose friends. I do choose the people who I wanna be friends with.
the people who can accept me for what i am, and the people i can accept for what they are.

Why People Lie?

It makes me sad thinking why people cheat on their significant other. If they really love their partner, they won't cheat. they won't even have a thought to cheat.

If you really have another girl, you should tell her the truth. If your feelings changed, you should let her know.

Why won't you tell her? You won't tell her because you don't wanna hurt her?
If you don't wanna hurt her, you won't cheat in the first place.

If you cheat, doesn't that mean you don't love her anymore? doesn't it mean you have a change of heart?
If you don't love her anymore, why would you care about her feelings?
you should let her know. Knowing directly from you is better than hearing it from someone else. she could be severely hurt by you.

be true to your partner and to yourself.
honesty is hard, but it's better than lying.

Bukit Malawati, Kuala Selangor

Hehey! this is what i do yesterday!

Been asking Tiya to take me to Bukit Malawati since the first day i get to Kuala Selangor.
Eka said there's nothing interesting there.
butttt.. i like that place. there's a lot of stuff there.

Bukit Malawati Light house, from here we can see the sea!
so pretty!

bunch of koreans, victimized by capitalism.
there's an uncle sell vegetables to feed the monkeys

fooling around the hill

there are swings! i'm a happy kid

They Swings! we're happy kids

there're more stuff there that i didn't take pictures of. there's a busut, perigi and a makam. all related to some historical stuff. there's even a small museum there. 

maybe we'll explore the hill again, some other time..

And, i found out Tiya is quite playful. She seems kinda serious, but you can make her play with you. had so much fun on the swings yesterday..
:D

Dating Younger Guys

Someone asked my opinion about dating younger guys.

well, i'm all for it. Aku sokong je. as long as he's off legal age. Kalau bawah umur kang orang cakap kau pedophile pulak. haa

There's this kid. he says he likes me. well i'm okay with that. it's his right to like a person, it's not like i can tell him to stop liking me. 

He texted me everyday. aku layan je la sbb aku pun bosan. i made an effort to talk to him... But i'm bored, because he's so bad at keeping the conversation going. aku reply satu ayat dia reply 1 perkataan je. pastu tak pandai cari topik pulak tu.. tsk tsk tsk.. 

andddd  that kid is soooo tak matang. he's too childish. 

Maybe I should wait for him to grow older. so that he's more matured. I am childish. 

aku ni jenis yang orang kena layan aku, bukan aku layan orang. nak layan budak2 memang tak mampu la, aku ni bukan jenis akak2. 

It's not that i can't accept him because he's younger, but i can't accpet him because I see him as a kid. as a little brother. I think he's cute when he's using pick up lines on me. 

i don't want cute kids, i want cool guys. HAHAHAHAHA <demand melampau> 

It's like, it's not compatible when we're both childish. i think it has to be the opposite.. well,  opposite attracts!. 

 My advice to guys who likes older girls. Don't call him kakak or what ever pangilan hormat. because for me, if you call her kakak, that's where you're gonna always be, a younger brother. 

You should call her by name, so that your relationship can grow more. From friends, it might develop into the kind of relationship you want. 

Lastly, when you found someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.

Till then, good bye...

Perghh.. dah jadi relationship counselor pulak.! hahaha

okbai.. 

Painful Love is Still Love.

The heartache you feel when you love someone so much that you think about him every night until you fall asleep.
Sometimes you even dreamed about him. and the dream was so vivid that you can feel him beside you.
Sometimes you cry to sleep thinking about him. it is so painful that you feel like giving up.

Painful love is like disinfectants. It hurts so much at first, but it heals. sometimes you think the pain is unbearable, but painful love is still love.

Love heals, you just need to give it a a little bit of time. I wonder how it would feels like being healed by love.