being strong is my only option

i was feeling good just 2 days ago. and now I'm feeling like getting into depression.. just waiting for it to come..
yeah, that's how fast i can change.

the struggle is reeeaaalllll...

stress gila hoi!!

everything is just so annoying!!

but being strong is my only option to prevent me from falling into depression.
if i don't, then it's the end.

i have to be strong.. like super strong!!
i want to be proud when i look back at my old self in the future.

the great wall of China must not break!!

I'm a survivor

I was feeling great this morning..
 even i hv so many things to do for my thesis correction, i was happy that day. because i was feeling grateful.
rezeki masyukkk..

Long story short,
It was worth the tears and sweat..
it was a hot day. i was in baju kurung walking around, chasing buses, tebalkan muka chasing people. it hurt my pride. i hate it when people take pity on me. i hate it when people said "kesian dia". babi, benci gila.

i cried, because it was sad, because it hurt my pride, because it was hard.
it was hard doing it alone.
it was a lonely fight. i have no one.
i don't know if it's because nobody cares, or because i shut people off.

crying in baju kurung on a very hot afternoon. that was around two months ago. when times were hard, and i was fragile, waiting to break..

I almost get into depression that time.
but i'm a survivor.
i mustered strength and courage. so, i survived.
Looking at my strong self today, makes me proud. proud of myself.

Thank God for tahap kesabaran yang tinggi, strength and courage.
Alhamdulillah..

p/s: i still shut people off tho...

success woii! success!!

Woiiii!!!!

aku dah berjaya woiii!!!

aku dah berjaya tulis cerpen! 

8 pages long! 1853 words! 

OMG!!!

aku dah lama gila nak tulis panjang-panjang.. akhirnya dapat jugak.. 

susah okay nak tulis panjang2 gitu. 

so much respect for authors! 

Oh wait, is 1853 words are long enough for a short stories?? 

aku excited nak mampus sekarang ni okayyy!!! 

so bear with me.. 

nak tweet tapi segan.. haha

still long way to go though.. Long way to go to become a writer. 

wish me luck! 

Oh ya, tajuk cerpen tu belum ada, tapi kisah dia pasal friendzone.. haha..

Love, Nora..

~~hah, siap Love, Nora.. ni menunjukkan aku gembira!! even aku lapar sekarang ni, but i'm in such a good mood. even hunger can't stop me from being happy!.. 

s

I'm 23 for God Sake.

Doctor : Where’s your guardian?”

Girl :       I have none.”

Doctor : * confused face.

Where’s your guardian, i need to talk to them about your health condition.”

Girl :       U can talk to me, it’s MY health condition right?”

Doctor : Yeah, I’ll talk to you AND your guardian.”

Girl :       Nah, It’s Okay. You can talk to me. I’m old enough for this kind of shits. I’m off legal age. *still smiling.

Doctor : Yeah, I know, but we still need your guardian.**muka tegas.

Girl :       Why do you need my guardian, I’m old enough to be without guardian. I can take care of  myself.  I’m 23 for God sake.**annoyed face.

**I'm sorry I overreacted. I just can't take it anymore. people are just annoying. I'm sorry that you're my victim. You're just there at a wrong time. 

***" Freaking stop meddling with my life. I can take care of myself! Fuck off old man!" 

I really want to say this at that time. luckily I was in the right state of mind and in control. 

really sorry. 

sudahkah kau memeluk diri mu?

Pagi yang dingin tidak hening,

Bunyi senduk dan kuali bertingkah,

Alun suara mu mencelikkan mata yang menggumam,

Ke hulu ke hilir memberi kasih, 

Agar hari yang dicinta berlalu mudah. 

Pagi masih belum cerah, tapi kau sudah lelah. 

Ibu, sudahkah kau memeluk dirimu hari ini? 

everybody needs a break 2

Janganlah tanya aku OK ke tak.. nanti aku mata aku berpeluh.

anyway thanks for asking. It makes me feel better, cz I know there's still people who cares.. :')
sayang kau lebihhh..   muah ciked!

Ada Apa dengan Cinta

Adalah cinta yang mengubah jalannya waktu,
kerana cinta, waktu terbagi dua.
dengan mu dan rindu untuk membalik masa

Detik tidak pernah melangkah mundur
tapi kertas putih itu selalu ada

waktu tidak pernah berjalan mundur
dan hari tidak pernah terulang
tetapi pagi sentiasa menawarkan cerita yang baru
untuk semua pertanyaan yang belum sempat terjawab.


~~Puisi dari short film by Line. it's actually a commercial film..

everybody needs a break..

Kemas bilik sambil menangis, sebab kakak n adik tanya "kak ada duit tak??" 

Di Perpustakaan

Di Perpustakaan -Shafie Abu Bakar.

Melangkah ke ruangmu

satu pertukaran yang kontras

dari kehangatan merata

ke kedinginan yang menerpa

terlalu hening di sini

gua pendeta bersemadi

di puncak sepi

di sana sini

kepala-kepala runduk meneliti

mata dan fikir bersebati.

Maju ke ruang buku

terlalu kerdil aku di sini terapung di laut ilmu

tercurah berzaman

dalam tak terselam

betapa pun kulayari

bahtera ilmu di sini

tak terteroka

yang akan kucatat

hanya setitik dari tinta

yang akan kupetik

hanya sebiji dari mutiara

engkau adalah pusaka moyang

gedung peradaban insan

terhimpun berzaman.

bersemadi di sini

aku adalah pelayar yang dahaga

di dada samudera tak berpantai

betapa pun keteguk darinya

dahaga tak pernah langsai

Tak perlu lah overly attached

Kita,
semua dah dewasa.
semua ada haluan masing2.
tak perlu nak text 24/7.
tak perlu nak report semua benda.
tak perlu nak overly attached sangat la kot.

cuma sendiri perlu tahu,
aku ada untuk kau bila kau perlu,
dan aku harap kau ada untuk aku bila aku perlu.


p/s:
kalau rindu kata rindu,
kalau tak nak kata, stalk je.
Kbai..

Post meeting syndrome

ku selak lembaran demi lembaran,
ku tatap dari baris ke baris,
ku teliti dari huruf ke huruf.
cuba mencari sesuatu
sesuatu yang aku tak pasti
tak pasti apa yang ku cari

Terasa kosong maya dan realiti ku

perihal semalam masih jelas,
namun tiada satu pun yang tinggal,
semua telah pergi menuju cita,
tinggal aku berjuang sendiri.

ku tahu, kini haluan kita berbeza,
maka, selamat maju jaya!


dua tiga hari yang meriah dgn rakan2. sekarang semua dah balik. sunyi tak dengar bunyi suara orang buat gila.
puisi pun jadi pointless, sekosong yang aku rasa sekarang.

-buat gadis2 dan jejaka yang konvo pada 1/11/14. Tahniah dan selamat maju jaya!

Senpai's Graduation

So, the gadis2 dan jejaka2 istimewa dalam hidup aku dah bergraduasi. It was their convocation day on 1/11/2014.

Pagi 1/11 budak2 tersebut ada photoshoot, pre convo la konon. so I joined them. just to catch up with the long lost classmates seniors. lastly aku ended up jadi photographer diorang.. K

I thought I was gonna cry in front of them at some point. luckily I didn't.
Lepas diorang dah siap pakai jubah, i watched them beratur depan tangga masjid. the faces, i see 4 years ago. a lot of stuff comes to mind. that time, there's this feeling, i'm not sure what, but there's something flows in me. and then I realized. It's PROUD. I'm so proud of them. seeing them make it to final year, and survived the struggle.
I don't feel resentment, or jealousy towards them. I know it's not my time yet. I'm just happy for them.

After the photoshoot, aku balik bilik..  just to get some rest or some work done. haram melagha je. kerja entah ke mana.. padahal 2 hari kemudian ada presentation.. hahahaha

Yeah, it comes to me when i'm alone. It hits me hard. I cried in my prayers. Asking God to make me stronger.
It should be me, laughing with them. wearing our robes, throw our hats, and jump in the air.. It should be me, lining up with them, walking on stage, and get my scroll.

I know I have to be strong. just another year to go. then, It'll be me. I'll make you guys proud of me. I will.

Dear Allah, please answer my prayers.