being strong is my only option

i was feeling good just 2 days ago. and now I'm feeling like getting into depression.. just waiting for it to come..
yeah, that's how fast i can change.

the struggle is reeeaaalllll...

stress gila hoi!!

everything is just so annoying!!

but being strong is my only option to prevent me from falling into depression.
if i don't, then it's the end.

i have to be strong.. like super strong!!
i want to be proud when i look back at my old self in the future.

the great wall of China must not break!!

I'm a survivor

I was feeling great this morning..
 even i hv so many things to do for my thesis correction, i was happy that day. because i was feeling grateful.
rezeki masyukkk..

Long story short,
It was worth the tears and sweat..
it was a hot day. i was in baju kurung walking around, chasing buses, tebalkan muka chasing people. it hurt my pride. i hate it when people take pity on me. i hate it when people said "kesian dia". babi, benci gila.

i cried, because it was sad, because it hurt my pride, because it was hard.
it was hard doing it alone.
it was a lonely fight. i have no one.
i don't know if it's because nobody cares, or because i shut people off.

crying in baju kurung on a very hot afternoon. that was around two months ago. when times were hard, and i was fragile, waiting to break..

I almost get into depression that time.
but i'm a survivor.
i mustered strength and courage. so, i survived.
Looking at my strong self today, makes me proud. proud of myself.

Thank God for tahap kesabaran yang tinggi, strength and courage.
Alhamdulillah..

p/s: i still shut people off tho...

success woii! success!!

Woiiii!!!!

aku dah berjaya woiii!!!

aku dah berjaya tulis cerpen! 

8 pages long! 1853 words! 

OMG!!!

aku dah lama gila nak tulis panjang-panjang.. akhirnya dapat jugak.. 

susah okay nak tulis panjang2 gitu. 

so much respect for authors! 

Oh wait, is 1853 words are long enough for a short stories?? 

aku excited nak mampus sekarang ni okayyy!!! 

so bear with me.. 

nak tweet tapi segan.. haha

still long way to go though.. Long way to go to become a writer. 

wish me luck! 

Oh ya, tajuk cerpen tu belum ada, tapi kisah dia pasal friendzone.. haha..

Love, Nora..

~~hah, siap Love, Nora.. ni menunjukkan aku gembira!! even aku lapar sekarang ni, but i'm in such a good mood. even hunger can't stop me from being happy!.. 

s

I'm 23 for God Sake.

Doctor : Where’s your guardian?”

Girl :       I have none.”

Doctor : * confused face.

Where’s your guardian, i need to talk to them about your health condition.”

Girl :       U can talk to me, it’s MY health condition right?”

Doctor : Yeah, I’ll talk to you AND your guardian.”

Girl :       Nah, It’s Okay. You can talk to me. I’m old enough for this kind of shits. I’m off legal age. *still smiling.

Doctor : Yeah, I know, but we still need your guardian.**muka tegas.

Girl :       Why do you need my guardian, I’m old enough to be without guardian. I can take care of  myself.  I’m 23 for God sake.**annoyed face.

**I'm sorry I overreacted. I just can't take it anymore. people are just annoying. I'm sorry that you're my victim. You're just there at a wrong time. 

***" Freaking stop meddling with my life. I can take care of myself! Fuck off old man!" 

I really want to say this at that time. luckily I was in the right state of mind and in control. 

really sorry. 

sudahkah kau memeluk diri mu?

Pagi yang dingin tidak hening,

Bunyi senduk dan kuali bertingkah,

Alun suara mu mencelikkan mata yang menggumam,

Ke hulu ke hilir memberi kasih, 

Agar hari yang dicinta berlalu mudah. 

Pagi masih belum cerah, tapi kau sudah lelah. 

Ibu, sudahkah kau memeluk dirimu hari ini? 

everybody needs a break 2

Janganlah tanya aku OK ke tak.. nanti aku mata aku berpeluh.

anyway thanks for asking. It makes me feel better, cz I know there's still people who cares.. :')
sayang kau lebihhh..   muah ciked!

Ada Apa dengan Cinta

Adalah cinta yang mengubah jalannya waktu,
kerana cinta, waktu terbagi dua.
dengan mu dan rindu untuk membalik masa

Detik tidak pernah melangkah mundur
tapi kertas putih itu selalu ada

waktu tidak pernah berjalan mundur
dan hari tidak pernah terulang
tetapi pagi sentiasa menawarkan cerita yang baru
untuk semua pertanyaan yang belum sempat terjawab.


~~Puisi dari short film by Line. it's actually a commercial film..

everybody needs a break..

Kemas bilik sambil menangis, sebab kakak n adik tanya "kak ada duit tak??" 

Di Perpustakaan

Di Perpustakaan -Shafie Abu Bakar.

Melangkah ke ruangmu

satu pertukaran yang kontras

dari kehangatan merata

ke kedinginan yang menerpa

terlalu hening di sini

gua pendeta bersemadi

di puncak sepi

di sana sini

kepala-kepala runduk meneliti

mata dan fikir bersebati.

Maju ke ruang buku

terlalu kerdil aku di sini terapung di laut ilmu

tercurah berzaman

dalam tak terselam

betapa pun kulayari

bahtera ilmu di sini

tak terteroka

yang akan kucatat

hanya setitik dari tinta

yang akan kupetik

hanya sebiji dari mutiara

engkau adalah pusaka moyang

gedung peradaban insan

terhimpun berzaman.

bersemadi di sini

aku adalah pelayar yang dahaga

di dada samudera tak berpantai

betapa pun keteguk darinya

dahaga tak pernah langsai

Tak perlu lah overly attached

Kita,
semua dah dewasa.
semua ada haluan masing2.
tak perlu nak text 24/7.
tak perlu nak report semua benda.
tak perlu nak overly attached sangat la kot.

cuma sendiri perlu tahu,
aku ada untuk kau bila kau perlu,
dan aku harap kau ada untuk aku bila aku perlu.


p/s:
kalau rindu kata rindu,
kalau tak nak kata, stalk je.
Kbai..

Post meeting syndrome

ku selak lembaran demi lembaran,
ku tatap dari baris ke baris,
ku teliti dari huruf ke huruf.
cuba mencari sesuatu
sesuatu yang aku tak pasti
tak pasti apa yang ku cari

Terasa kosong maya dan realiti ku

perihal semalam masih jelas,
namun tiada satu pun yang tinggal,
semua telah pergi menuju cita,
tinggal aku berjuang sendiri.

ku tahu, kini haluan kita berbeza,
maka, selamat maju jaya!


dua tiga hari yang meriah dgn rakan2. sekarang semua dah balik. sunyi tak dengar bunyi suara orang buat gila.
puisi pun jadi pointless, sekosong yang aku rasa sekarang.

-buat gadis2 dan jejaka yang konvo pada 1/11/14. Tahniah dan selamat maju jaya!

Senpai's Graduation

So, the gadis2 dan jejaka2 istimewa dalam hidup aku dah bergraduasi. It was their convocation day on 1/11/2014.

Pagi 1/11 budak2 tersebut ada photoshoot, pre convo la konon. so I joined them. just to catch up with the long lost classmates seniors. lastly aku ended up jadi photographer diorang.. K

I thought I was gonna cry in front of them at some point. luckily I didn't.
Lepas diorang dah siap pakai jubah, i watched them beratur depan tangga masjid. the faces, i see 4 years ago. a lot of stuff comes to mind. that time, there's this feeling, i'm not sure what, but there's something flows in me. and then I realized. It's PROUD. I'm so proud of them. seeing them make it to final year, and survived the struggle.
I don't feel resentment, or jealousy towards them. I know it's not my time yet. I'm just happy for them.

After the photoshoot, aku balik bilik..  just to get some rest or some work done. haram melagha je. kerja entah ke mana.. padahal 2 hari kemudian ada presentation.. hahahaha

Yeah, it comes to me when i'm alone. It hits me hard. I cried in my prayers. Asking God to make me stronger.
It should be me, laughing with them. wearing our robes, throw our hats, and jump in the air.. It should be me, lining up with them, walking on stage, and get my scroll.

I know I have to be strong. just another year to go. then, It'll be me. I'll make you guys proud of me. I will.

Dear Allah, please answer my prayers.  

Disebalik mesej berbunyi 'hai'

Kamu mengajar aku mencintai puisi,
Indah bait kata, bikin aku rindu
tersusun indah dilegar minda
kata-kata aku rindu kamu.

Kehangatan wap kopi di tangan mu

Hujan malam ini,
ku biar angin meniup hati, dingin.
umpama hologram, terpancar babak kita minum kopi di balkoni. Vivid.

teringat malam-malam cerah dulu
saat kau selalu ada
bersama menghitung bintang, memuja indahnya bulan.

Andai malam gelap, mendung tak berbulan, kau tetap ada.
setia dengan kopi di tangan.
sedia menghangatkan aku.

Hujan malam ini. Dingin.
Ku toleh ke sisi mencari kelibatmu.
membuka hidung seluasnya, cuba menghidu aroma kopimu.
hangat ku rasa bukan kerana kasihmu,
tapi kerana air mata rindu pada mu.

I'm surviving.

I should be studying right now. but i'm too lazy and have no motivation. hmmph!

Well, it's been a lil' bit over a year that i'm back in school. i survived 3rd year.well, i did pretty good!. results are okay, and done with internship..

 but i'm super nervous about final year..i heard a lot of scary stories from seniors.. douche bag seniors!

I should hv posted this when the semester begins. but i'm too nervous. i can't even express it. i can't write.
It's been al most 3 month through the semester now. and i'm still nervous.

A little over a year ago, I thought about quitting and giving up on engineering school..
because of the struggle i've endured in the first 2 years and because of the new environment.. (new classmates which are strangers). I was scared, that i won't be able to fit in, being lone ranger and can't catch up with the classes with my rusty brain.
. tapi sebab aku cool, budak2 tu suka kawan dengan aku.. LoL! (riak)
and the classes were okay.. some obstacles here and there.. but i survived and the results come out pretty well!

i Don't know where i get the strength to gather my thoughts and carry on..
Dayummm.. i'm freaking strong!

BUT!

Final year is hard without motivation.. Thesis and final year design project..and assignments..

the struggle is reeeaaaalllll...

Selalu by Sefa

Selalu

Selalu aku mengatakan, 
dalam diam atau bising,

Mengharapkan kamu di tempat yang tenang,
di tempat tanpa sebarang masalah.

Jika ada,
sentiasa tahu,
yang aku akan ada,
selalu.

kabarkan jika perlu.. 

-Sefa 
-Eksotikata


So i went to Kuala Lumpur Writers and Readers Festival (KLWRF).
after all the poem readings, and the gigs by unknown indie band, I bought Eksotikata.

dalam ni ada Puisi dan Prosa. dalam part puisi, there are a lot of beautiful pieces. poems yang boleh buat kau rasa nak berpuisi jugak.. ^_^
ada jugak yang entah mende2 macam Pipi punya puisi.
antara yang aku paling suka, 2 puisi dari Sefa, Fazleena Hishamudin's, dan 1 poem Wany Ardy buat aku nak menangis. Babi, the feelings. hmmph

masa aku selak2 buku tu sebelum beli,  puisi pertama yg aku baca, Trofi Kebahagian by Sefa, lepas tu Selalu, by Sefa.
lepas baca Selalu, aku macam ada instant crush kt Sefa.. hahaha..
menusuk sangat puisi nyeeewww..

 tapi too bad, masa Sefa baca puisi tu atas stage, aku tak menghayati sangat, sebab aku tak tau Sefa tu siapa. =_=

semoga ada jodoh nak jumpa Sefa lepas ni..

Puisi by Aloy Paradoks pun best.. Aloy comel dengan rambut panjang dia yg flat, pastu ada patch 50 sen kt belakang.. LoL!

sangat Starstruck sebab dapat bertegur sapa dan bergambar dengan Takaharasuiko (the Venopian Solitude) and Pipi!!(CEO Neon Terbit). padahal Pipi bukan artis pun.. leulzz..

Jeda waktu

Andai ku bisa menjeda waktu
akan ku kucup pipi mu semahuku,
biar sensasi cintamu lekat di minda ku.
akan ku peluk tubuh mu selagi laratku,
biar aroma kasihmu meresap ke hatiku.
Agar suatu hari nanti, andai tiba rinduku,
aku bisa merasa hadirmu, Ibu.


~dalam bas balik kampung. 19/10/14

Anjing

Aku ni jenis manusia yang lagi sayang binatang dari manusia,
Tapi kau setia macam anjing.
Mungkin aku patut sayang kau jugak.


it's been 5 years. Please move on. I don't deserve the wait. i'm not worth it. trust me.

Apa khabar?

Apa khabar mu di sana?
Andai bahagia kirimkan senyuman
andai lara khabarkan kemari
biar ku turut merasa
moga kau tak sengsara.

~rindu tak terucap.. sakit rasanya bila rindu kat orang tapi tak boleh cakap..
pasal kau tak nak nampak cheesy. pasal kau tak nak orang kata kau jiwang.
pasal kau ego..

lirik lagu apa khabar ni sangat menusuk hati kot..
rindu nya Joe Flizzow kat Malique, rindu lagi aku kat rakan2 yg bakal konvo November nanti..

Merenung ke luar jendela
Bayu pagi meniup lembut
Lihat bintang di angkasa
Purnama menerangi gelapku
Dan bila fajar menjelma
Itu permulaan hari baru
Dunia gamat bunyinya
Sunyiku hanya Tuhan tahu

Dalam perjalanan banyak persimpangan
Di mana kita bertukar arah
Kau lurus ke kiri aku tegak ke kanan
Di mana kita tersilap langkah

Kadang-kala waktu berhenti
Ku toleh ke sisi
Engkau tiada di sampingku
Tapi lebih seringkali
Bertemu dalam mimpi
Semuka dengan sahabatku
Aku tanya apa khabar
Aku tanya apa khabar
Aku tanya apa khabar
Aku tanya apa khabar semua

~separuh jalan jela lirik yg berkaitan.. hewhewhew..
Rap or hiphop songs are not my cup of tea, but i like this song.. like a lotttt...

Mereka kata masa depan kami sungguh cerah
Lirik dan rap kami bak anugerah
Ini semua sebelum semua anugerah
Masa bila lapar semua makan mee segera
Show pertama luar KL di Pulau Pinang
Lapan orang naik dua Kancil tapi semua senang
Dua bilik empat katil jadi empat di lantai
Kalau tidak silap ada yang sampai di tepi pantai
Dan kali pertama kita diserbu peminat
Di Kuching, Sarawak seperti semalam aku ingat
Setiap langkah bersama seakan tidak percaya
Kita berjaya jadikan rap sebagai kerjaya
Permulaan pengembaraan yang berliku
Dan ini mungkin sinopsis hidupku dalam lagu
Kau kembarku hari ini dan semalam
Jadi hari esok itu sendiri boleh faham

Kadang-kala waktu berhenti
Ku toleh ke sisi
Engkau tiada di sampingku
Tapi lebih seringkali
Bertemu dalam mimpi
Semuka dengan sahabatku
Aku tanya apa khabar
Aku tanya apa khabar
Aku tanya apa khabar
Aku tanya apa khabar semua

Pada mulanya kita menjajah
Lagu-lagu bahasa penjajah
Dan kita berdua budak belasan
Kau pandai buat percaturan
Industri penuh dengan peraturan
Semua kita bahas dan pidatokan
Sebab ini dua budak bijak
Kita kata ya mereka tidak
Kalau gagal merancang itu merancang untuk gagal
Ku masih ingat pesanmu
Ingat Zal kita Z paling handal Zal
Suntikan semangat untukku
Setiap persembahan phenomenal
Beribu lagi fans luar stadium
Lepas pusing satu Malaysia, Singapore, Brunei, Indonesia
Angan-angan jadi impian impian jadi cita-cita
Kata-kata jadi lagu puisi jalanan tercipta
Siapa kata jangan bermimpi doaku pada Yang Esa
Mungkin permulaan baru di ketika berbeza

Kadang-kala waktu berhenti
Ku toleh ke sisi
Engkau tiada di sampingku
Tapi lebih seringkali
Bertemu dalam mimpi
Semuka dengan sahabatku
Aku tanya apa khabar
Aku tanya apa khabar
Aku tanya apa khabar
Aku tanya apa khabar semua

Aku tanya apa khabar
Aku tanya apa khabar
Aku tanya apa khabar
Aku tanya apa khabar semua

okbaii

Humpty Dumpty

"Kau ni gagah betul"
"kannn.. macam Great Wall"


Bukan. aku sebenarnya Humpty Dumpty..
All the king's horses and the king's men can't put me together again.
can you??

A fool who plays it cool

7.00pm

A: tidur ke tadi?
B: A'a.  tak sanggup nak sedih dan nangis. so aku tidur.
     Tidur, mimpi rumah pulak. :(
A: itu lah, orang ajak jogging tak nak.
B: hmm.. nak buat kerja pun tak boleh fokus.
A: lain kali cari kawan. jangan duduk sorang-sorang. at least ada distraction. so you won't think about home much..
B: hmmm.. :(
A: bertabah la ye..

11.15 pm

C:  I dreamed about home. I had lunch with my family. then i realized it was just a dream. T_T
A: Be strong.
A: we have to be strong, just like the Great Wall of China

11.50 pm

** #nowplaying  Hey Jude by The Beatles....

3.00 am

          She's alone in her room.. reading journals for her thesis. She close the journal. and had a sip of her cold coffee. that was when tears rolled down her cheeks. she swallowed her coffee hard. it feels like a rock coming down her esophagus.
It was a rough night.
She tried to tell herself to stop the tears. "i'm a strong person. Strong. Just like the great wall of china. Just like the great wall.."
and that wall crumbled that night.

"And anytime you feel the pain,

Hey, Jude, refrain,

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.

For well you know that it's a fool

Who plays it cool

By making his world a little colder." -

Mangsa Kapitalisme

Memang duit bukan segala-galanya. 

Tapi segala-galanya adalah duit. 

ya, kita. Aku dan kau. mangsa kapitalisme.

The moment when you're just a replacement.

When the guy you had a crush on asks you out, even it's not a date, you'll feel super excited won't you??

well she does! She did feel excited.
she prepared, wore her best dress, feeling nervous and everything. All she did just to be disappointed. Just to find out that she's just a replacement. An alternative, after his first choice, his original date, his girlfriend turned him down.

They're good friends. him and her. but she had a crush on him. she likes him, and thinks he likes her too. His gestures, the way he speaks,  and he's always nice to her. Even though he never admit that he likes her, she still thinks so. She thinks he's in denial, because he doesn't want to fall in love before its time.

So that day, she went out to meet him. even it's not a date, just a regular outing. But they've never went out together. so she was excitedly nervous. she prepared, wore her best dress, put on a little make up (she never wear make up).

And so they met. He smiled, she smiled.
" I'm kinda sad today" the boy said.
"why?" she asked.
"my girlfriend doesn't want to go out with me" he said.
"what?? your girlfriend??" she laughed. thinking he's joking.
"why are you laughing? i'm serious."
"what? You? girlfriend? No way.. seriously?" she's in between shocked and confused.
He seemed serious, and she saw the look in his eyes. the being dumped look. She understands him so well, that she can read whats in his mind.

They were walking together, they eat and watched a movie. But she wasn't really there. Her mind wandered mindlessly. She's lost in her own world.

"he said he doesn't want to fall in love before the right time. He doesn't want to have any girlfriend, he doesn't want to get into any love relationship. He doesn't want any relationship commitment. And now he has a girlfriend?"

"it's okay if it hurts. i'm just happy because i get to see him. i get to be close to him"

She silently cry as she put his picture down. she hates herself for not being able to hate him. she can't bring herself to resent him even after he breaks her heart.
She missed him terribly that she cried so hard. she cried herself to sleep, hoping that day was just another bad dream.  

**the end**

Pilih Kawan

"Kenapa ramai suka kutuk orang pilih kawan or beli kawan?
and you're telling me you're not?"

saw this on twitter just now.

Most of the time, when people said, 'pilih kawan', we would think of pilih kawan yang ada standard or sama level dengan kita. atau pun pilih kawan yang banyak harta/ anak orang kaya/ famous/ pandai/ baik atau cantik.
All the physical and subjective things.

Some people think they're better than other people because they have friends from different social class. like a rich kid being friends with poor kid. or a super smart kid being friends with a down syndrome kid. or an extremely pretty girl being friends with a not so pretty girl.
physically, people will think they don't choose friends.

actually they did choose. maybe the rich kid like the poor kid because he's funny. maybe, the super smart kid befriend with the down syndrome kid because he's rich.
who knows?

We do choose friends too aren't we? we choose to be friend with people who we are comfortable with. even he's a bad guy, maybe he's nice when he's with his friends. maybe he's funny and make his friends feel good when they're around him.

we choose people who are good to us, people who listens to us. people who accept us no matter what we are.

For me, friends are the people who knows i do weird stuff, but they still like me.
people who think my ideas are bad and crazy, but they still hangout with me.
people who know i do bad stuff on people, they still stay around me.
people who know i talk nonsense, they still listen to me.


Well, i do choose friends. I do choose the people who I wanna be friends with.
the people who can accept me for what i am, and the people i can accept for what they are.

Why People Lie?

It makes me sad thinking why people cheat on their significant other. If they really love their partner, they won't cheat. they won't even have a thought to cheat.

If you really have another girl, you should tell her the truth. If your feelings changed, you should let her know.

Why won't you tell her? You won't tell her because you don't wanna hurt her?
If you don't wanna hurt her, you won't cheat in the first place.

If you cheat, doesn't that mean you don't love her anymore? doesn't it mean you have a change of heart?
If you don't love her anymore, why would you care about her feelings?
you should let her know. Knowing directly from you is better than hearing it from someone else. she could be severely hurt by you.

be true to your partner and to yourself.
honesty is hard, but it's better than lying.

Bukit Malawati, Kuala Selangor

Hehey! this is what i do yesterday!

Been asking Tiya to take me to Bukit Malawati since the first day i get to Kuala Selangor.
Eka said there's nothing interesting there.
butttt.. i like that place. there's a lot of stuff there.

Bukit Malawati Light house, from here we can see the sea!
so pretty!

bunch of koreans, victimized by capitalism.
there's an uncle sell vegetables to feed the monkeys

fooling around the hill

there are swings! i'm a happy kid

They Swings! we're happy kids

there're more stuff there that i didn't take pictures of. there's a busut, perigi and a makam. all related to some historical stuff. there's even a small museum there. 

maybe we'll explore the hill again, some other time..

And, i found out Tiya is quite playful. She seems kinda serious, but you can make her play with you. had so much fun on the swings yesterday..
:D

Dating Younger Guys

Someone asked my opinion about dating younger guys.

well, i'm all for it. Aku sokong je. as long as he's off legal age. Kalau bawah umur kang orang cakap kau pedophile pulak. haa

There's this kid. he says he likes me. well i'm okay with that. it's his right to like a person, it's not like i can tell him to stop liking me. 

He texted me everyday. aku layan je la sbb aku pun bosan. i made an effort to talk to him... But i'm bored, because he's so bad at keeping the conversation going. aku reply satu ayat dia reply 1 perkataan je. pastu tak pandai cari topik pulak tu.. tsk tsk tsk.. 

andddd  that kid is soooo tak matang. he's too childish. 

Maybe I should wait for him to grow older. so that he's more matured. I am childish. 

aku ni jenis yang orang kena layan aku, bukan aku layan orang. nak layan budak2 memang tak mampu la, aku ni bukan jenis akak2. 

It's not that i can't accept him because he's younger, but i can't accpet him because I see him as a kid. as a little brother. I think he's cute when he's using pick up lines on me. 

i don't want cute kids, i want cool guys. HAHAHAHAHA <demand melampau> 

It's like, it's not compatible when we're both childish. i think it has to be the opposite.. well,  opposite attracts!. 

 My advice to guys who likes older girls. Don't call him kakak or what ever pangilan hormat. because for me, if you call her kakak, that's where you're gonna always be, a younger brother. 

You should call her by name, so that your relationship can grow more. From friends, it might develop into the kind of relationship you want. 

Lastly, when you found someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.

Till then, good bye...

Perghh.. dah jadi relationship counselor pulak.! hahaha

okbai.. 

Painful Love is Still Love.

The heartache you feel when you love someone so much that you think about him every night until you fall asleep.
Sometimes you even dreamed about him. and the dream was so vivid that you can feel him beside you.
Sometimes you cry to sleep thinking about him. it is so painful that you feel like giving up.

Painful love is like disinfectants. It hurts so much at first, but it heals. sometimes you think the pain is unbearable, but painful love is still love.

Love heals, you just need to give it a a little bit of time. I wonder how it would feels like being healed by love.

Confession

I have a confession.
i've seen something wrong. yet i do nothing about it.

Someone fake a receipt so that she/he can reimburse more money..

It happened before my eyes and i can't say a thing about it.i don't even know what to do in that kind of situation. it was my first time.
I just keep quiet and regret it.  It keeps haunting me to this day.
it happened last week and my mood and emotion are very affected by it until today..
Down gila. it keeps playing inside my head.. stress woiii..


Corruption (kəˈrəpSHən):
Dishonest or fraudulent conduct by those in power, typically involving bribery

internship

will be busy doing internship for 3 months.. busy ke? kalau intern ada kerja la..
I'm in Kuala selangor. there're a lot of interesting paces, but Tiyah n Eka don't seem interested to go. =_= nasib la tak ada kereta sendiri..
will be spending the whole Ramadan away from home.. T_T

Split Personality

Hi!
Ya, aku introvert. people may say that i'm extrovert, because my circle of friends are loud people. people who talks a lot. so people think i'm loud too. but No.. most of the time i just laugh and respond to what they said. but of course i do talk lahhh..

i like to observe people, and situations before i join in. i don't like crowded places. i'm not shy. i'm good at starting a conversation or making friends. but i prefer a quiet and calm situations.

People might say i'm extrovert. because sometimes i hurt people with my words..hahaha( orang mulut jahat biasanya Extrovert) but NO. that's impulsive. sometimes i react before my brain could think.. haha
Introverts normally will think before voicing out their opinions. i do too. but sometimes i just can't stand annoying people. so i just let what's in head out.. haha.. and people do get hurt.. but some people really deserves it.

According to personality test, aku ni suka benda yang planned. eg: a trip. it must be planned before hand. and it's true!  especially shopping trips. i only buy stuff i listed. not in list, no buy. gittuhh..
(aku tak shopping ikut nafsu macam gadis2 lain, apa yg aku target tu je la yg aku beli) aku bukan impulsive shopper.

tapi kadang-kadang aku sangat random.! aku bertindak mengikut nafsu.
 i mean like, random trips. there was no plan that day. suddenly i found myself heading to a book store. with some random friends (who doesn't like to read..haha).
there was times that i get dressed and go out. i just get in the train and read books. then i go back without going to any place else.
there was once. i called a friend up on Friday morning. asking if she's free in the weekend. she said yes. then , i just got myself a ticket to kuantan.. that was so randomm.

see..??impulsive right? terfikir nak buat, terus buat.. tak payah rancang..
that is really contradict with my personality which supposed to be organized and well planned.

"Introvert yet impulsive"
Split personality!! walawehh.. split personality! maybe i need a psychiatrist.. LOL!

sila google Extraversion and Introversion, and Impulsivity.. and you'll know what i mean..
kbai..

Book Review : The Catcher in the Rye -J.D. Salinger

Hi!
it's been awhile..! ^_^
It took me one week to finish The Catcher in the Rye. It had been a pretty hectic week with all the assignments and distractions.

The Catcher in the Rye is a story about a boy, Holden Caulfield who was kicked out of his school. He was expelled from his previous school too.
After reading half of the book i still didn't  get the point of the story. It's just about a boy, telling stuffs he did and happened to him after he got kicked out of school.. i keep reading though.

the writing style is very interesting. very descriptive. how the author describe what Holden is thinking is very precise. i can imagine the scenery, the situations Holden is in. it feels like Holden is telling the story to me. :)

aku suka gila penulisan dia dan bahasa yang dia guna. old school.. ye la, the book is published in 1951! what a classic. buku ni ditulis dgn gaya percakapan remaja masa tu la.
Holden punya taglines:
"that killed me"/"she kills me" which means "i found it hilarious /amazing"
"i was depressed as hell"/ "it makes me so depressed".
Holden selalu cakap orang2 yang dia tak suka sebagai "Phony" = hypocrites, bajet bagus, annoying.

aku suka gila Pheobe! adik Holden. she's really funny.. she kills me too.
I think if i meet Pheobe, i might fall in love with her. her relationship with Holden melts my heart.. terharu..

even aku macam tak dapat tangkap sangat apa point buku ni, tapi aku still sangat2 suka.. it's really funny.. tapi ni bukan buku komedi!! somehow it's amusing. i freaking love how Holden describe things..<redundant>: menunjuk kan how i love the descriptiveness of the book>
There's the part when Holden drinks milk, and changes his name to H.V. Caulfield. Holden Vitamin Caulfield..  that killed me. apa yangg lawak entah.. and another part where Pheobe as Holden to feel her forehead, to show that she can raise her body temperature on her own.. LOL! hahaaha

when i was about to finish the book, i saw a video by Ryan Higa about ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). terus aku teringat buku ni..
Aku rasa Holden ada ADHD!!
 sebab fikiran dia selalu merewang and tak fokus.
pastu aku rasa kesian kt Holden.. sebab zaman tu, mesti orang tak tau sangat lagi pasal penyakit ni.. mesti parents Holden, n cikgu2 dia rasa dia gila. by the end of the story, there's a part where Holden meet psychoanalyst. :(


~The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one. -Wilhem Stekel, psychoanalyst

~ Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody. -Holden Caulfield.

Backpack :Georgetown Penang

18 April 2014, 9 malam. Aku and Q naik bas dari UKM ke Hentian Kajang.. and the adventure begins!
Backpacking trip to Penang.. ni semua pasal Q.. teringin sangat nak pergi Penang. dah tu semua benda serah kat aku, so sebagai backpaker amatur, aku pun buat la segala itinerary bagai. gigih tahu?! first time pergi trip macam ni, stay kat hostel and tak ada contact kat sana.!
It was awesome!

So we took 11.15 pm bus from Hentian Kajang to Hentian Sungai Nibong, Penang. the bus was damn fast. we arrived there in 4 hours! normal journey is about 6 hours by bus.
It was too early to get moving. so we stayed at the bus stop till dawn.
around 8. we go to our hostel in center Georgetown, Clockwise Hostel.
then the craziness starts..

After checking in, we went around in the quest of finding the famous Georgetown street arts.

Masjid Kapitan Keling, the nearest landmark to our hostel. 

 
 
 the street arts are awesome! look at the happy faces!

Selfie, Major fail!

after walking and playing around street art places, we had lunch in Kapitan. a Nasi kandar place.

i'm not a curry fan. buttttttt it does taste good. tengok la muka Q. peminat kari tegar. puas hati katanya..

next, while waiting for the shuttle bus to go to Chowrasta Market (the place i've been wanting to go so much) we played around at  St George church.

Little chapel in front of St George church.

 Kitorang naik Shuttle untuk pergi Chowrasta sebenarnya.. sbb aku rasa mcm nak give up je dari pergi interactive museum sebab aku fikir tempat tu mcm jauh dari laluan kitorg. tetiba aku nampak sign Interactive museum. it was small. kalau tak observant memang tak nampak dan melepas la kau.. memandangkan dah terlepas dr busstop yang kitorang patut turun aku rasa nak give up lagi.. 

tapi disebabkan jalan jammed. aku cube berbudi bahasa dengan pakcik bas.. "pakcik.. stop kan kitorang kat sini boleh?? tengah2 jalan tu.. aku rasa kitorg je buat kerja mcm tu.. org lain dalam bas tu mesti mcm, 'watdehek budak dua ekor ni??' K.. tu imaginasi aku je.. 

maka berjaya la kitorg pergi Interactive museum.

Q dan Lim Guan Eng. Admire betul Q dengan beliau. 

Q jahat. amik gambar aku tak lawa.. angle salah.. nampak fake!

one of the paintings at the museum. 

 Sementara tunggu bas untuk ke Chowrasta Market (again) kitorg jalan2 kat sekitar situ..

view from Church street pier

lepas tu sampai la ke tempat yang dinanti

Chowrasta Market!

Ni la tempat yang aku nak sangat pergi.. Kedai buku kat Chowrasta Market!

~nerd nak mampus.. pergi melancong pun nak pergi kedai buku.. wat dehek??

Alkisah nya mcm ni, i have this chinese friend, who is a Penangite, everytime he got back to Penang he always tell me he got books with cheap price. even the new books! i'm sooo jelly.. He's been doing that for yearsss.. 

All sorts of book are there old and new. some unique old books are also there. this is AWESOMENESS..

 Chowrasta is a market place, where people sell merchandise, foods and stuff.
and of course, the famous Jeruk Madu Pak Ali.. they're everywhere!

The Famous Teo Chew Chendol. 

Kedai Cendol ni famous gila. even it's just a street stall, tapi almost every bloh yang aku jumpa masa research pasal Georgetown, recommended this place. sekali tengok, nahhhhh ambik kauu.. tengah2 panas tu sanggup kau nak beratur.. aku mampu amik gambar je la..

one of the street art next to Chowrasta market building.

Netx,, we get back to the hostel.. wash up and get some rest.. rehat kaki sebelum Q grumpy sebab penat.. hikhikhik.
by the time lepas beli2 kat chowrasta tu aku tengok muka Q dah macam apa je.. desperate nak mandi.. hahaha

around 5, kitorang keluar, nak pergi Fort Cornwallis, bajet nak sunset kat pantai la.. sekali hujan.. T_T

tapi hati haruslah kental. beeli raincoat bagai.. haha

Hipster habis la, jalan depan Temple pakai raincoat.. muahaha

tunggu la bas dalam hujan.. akibat keluar lambat, dekat pukul 7. sampai kat fort Cornwallis lambat. dah tutup, tak boleh masuk.. T_T

aku rasa kitorang dua je orang pelik kat situ, amik gambar bagai. The only locals yang juga pelancong.. pelancong lain sume omputih.. so kitorang diberi 'that look' oleh certain manusia..=_=
k fine.. ada aku kesah..
lepas dah tengok sunset yang mendung, kitorg pergi makan mee sotong dan coconut shake!! demm nice.. super yummy!

mee sotong fort cornwallis..

tak sudah dengan mee sotong.. balik dari Fort cornwallis, stop kat Masjid Kapitan Keling, Kedai Nasi Kandar Beratur dah bukak... even hujan macam hape je, Q tetap gigih beratur demi kari nya..

luckily masa kitorang sampai tu baru buka, so tak ramai orang.. tapi still kena beratur la.. 

 dah balik dari beli nasi kandar beratur, bajet nak rehat je.. tapi aku rasa bosan and masih bertenaga.. entah amende la aku makan hari tu.. energetic betul..
Sembang2 dengan Orest, si tuan hostel yang kitorang stay tu, dia ajak keluar. "i wanna show u some special places here." katanya..
pergi la jalan.. jalan punya jalan sampai 1 Hotel ni.. boleh nampak Gurney Drive, where the elites live.. Orest kata "i don't like that side of Penang, that's where u have to eat your nasi kandar with fork and spoon." ok aku faham..
lepas tu kau agak dia bawak kitorg pergi mana??

Yea, u read it right. cemetery. boleh tahan pelik jugak kepala otak Orest ni. dia kata nak bawak kitorang gi situ siang. tapi dah kitorang jalan sendiri, tak ingat dunia, tak dapek la...
sembang punya sembang, pungpang pungpang, turn out Orest ni dulu AIESECer jugakk.. hihihi
excited la aku..

muka Q dah mcm apa je masa jalan tu.. mengantuk + bosan.. macam Zombie pun ada.. haha

ni la Orest!

nasib la Orest ni tak hensem sangat, kawan dia hensem gila.. tapi sayang, jumpa 2 kali je.. tsk tsk tsk.. si Orest ni mesra alam nak mampus. 

so sbb dia ni macam agak awesome, aku kena la promote sikit hostel dia ni..

sila lah google Clockwise Hostel.(click je la)

 sebenarnya hostel ni still in construction lagi.. tapiii kemudahan dia bagus!

Double and four bed rooms

Toilet dia, comel kan??

 and ni bilik aku n Q, bilik ni kat attic sebenarnya.. tapi luas dia ok je, lagi pun bilik ni utk tidur je.. so memang xde hal sangat la..
Hostel ni tak asingkan lelaki and perempuan, but Orest is being considerate so dia bagi bilik ni kat kitorg.. huhu.. thanks Orest!

kenapa ada Q

Q sempat lagi layan perasaan kat balcony.

This is one of the paintings yang Orest n his friend buat. belum siap lagi. the whole hostel pun belum siap lagi sebenarnya.. kata Orest, official opening is planned to be next year. hohoho

the whole thing is still under construction. 

muka aku baru bangun! it was Easter morning.!

kau tahu berapa aku bayar untuk 1 night? RM19 including breakfast. yes. murah je..

selesa and mesra alam.. next time nak pergi Georgetown sila pergi Clockwiese Hotel okay??

<aku dah promote ni, Orest, sila bagi aku hadiah atau free accomodation.>

lepas breakfast, kitorang pun kembali ke reality.. balik KL.... =_=

pergi sehari memang tak cukup  la nak explore Penang. yang kitorg pergi tu Georgetown je.. tu pun tak sempat pusing habis.. 

Next time aku nak pergi lagi! the other part of penang pulak..

kalau kau nak pergi Georgetown, Unesco site boleh check panduan kat sini ^_^

kat Georgetown ada free shuttle untuk pergi semua tempat Unesco heritage site, panduan bus shuttle, Click sini..

Sila lah explore sendiri. sekian...

~~the world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page..

gambar sekadar hiasan, tiada kaitan dengan mana-mana travelogue 

think and don't judge

i see a lot of people express their sadness or vent out their anger on social media.

well i did it too sometimes..

and i see a lot of people judge them.

and, YES. i did judge them too sometimes, which i'm not proud of it.

who are you to judge them? have you been in the same situation? 

have u ever wear their shoes and walk in it? 

OK, u might say "they shouldn't vent it out on Twitter, they can always go to friends and family"

what do you know about them? 

what if they are not lucky enough like you to have friends and family who will always be there for them? 

social media could be their only channel to let their anguish out.

why judge when u can be the one who cast away their pain?

you're not that kind of relationship to do that? 

just say something nice. it could be the best thing happened to them that day.
don't make it harder for them, people!

~be strong and don't despair.. 

if's, just bunch of if's

If that day i didn't take her for granted,

if that day i care for her more,

if i stand for her more,

if and only if i love her more, 

i'm sure i wouldn't regret it today.

if i spent more time talking to her,

if i apologize to her sooner,

if i don't hurt her much, 

if i do the things i didn't, and if i didn't do the things i did,

i'm sure i wouldn't regret it today..

Dear Anna...

Dear Anna,

If you know what she had been through, and what she's going through that day, you will not say that your life is hard.
you will not feel like giving up.

" Being strong is to love someone in silence,

to radiate happiness when we are unhappy,

to forgive someone who does not deserve forgiveness, 

to stay calm in moments of despair,

to show joy when we don't feel it,

to smile when u want to cry, 

to make someone happy when our own heart is broken,

to be silent when we feel like screaming our anguish,

to comfort when we need to be comforted,

and to have faith when sometimes we no longer believe. "

~unknown~                              

After a call from home that evening, she had a hard time suppressing her feelings. She feels like crying and she needs a hug, a shoulder or an ear at least..

Anna, on the other hand is saying she had a rough day because of her exams. 

despite seeking attention, or showing her sadness, she comforted Anna. while she's crying inside, she cheered Anna up.

She is strong..

<<It was him, he was there when she needed someone. he got her back.

thanks, He rocks!>>

Backpack : Kuantan

Hi,

dah lama dah aku gi Pahang ni sebenarnya.. dan dah lama jugak aku nak post pasal trip tu..hewhewhew (gelak ala2 BBNU)
tetiba teringat nak post sebab tetiba aku ter'stalk' Facebook sendiri, and aku nampak post yg aku pegi melawat Ain Nasuha kat UMP Gambang.. maka aku pun merajinkan diri utk post.. hikhikhik (gelak BBNU lg)
Trip ni sangat lah random, Thursday night, i texted ain nasuha, and ask her if she's free that weekend. she said she's going hiking on Sunday.. so apa lagi aku excited, dan tanpa segan silu, aku cakap nak ikut.. leulz.!
and she likes the idea of me joining her.. hihihi
so, the next day terus pergi cari tiket bas ke kuantan..

then on saturday, i took bus from Hentian kajang to Kuantan, but i stopped at UMP Gambang. cakap kat driver bas tu, nak turun kt UMP, n dia akan berhenti kat bustop betul2 depan UMP..

Memandangkan Ain Nasuha ada kereta, so transportation is not a problem. tapi yg aku pelik nya first destination dia bawak aku pegi Kuantan Parade!! God whyyyy??
sebab nak makan... haram, hapa pon tak ada..

then, we went to the famous Teluk Cempedak.. that day, ada pertandingan surfing! i just can't believe my eyes when i saw surfboard kat situ. the waves are not even big! how can they surf??
Teluk Cempedak's view is just.. hmmm.. normal, a beach..

well, that's ain nasuha. (weird people knows each other)

The next day is the reason why i'm so eager to go to Kuantan.
Hiking!
Bukit Panorama in Sungai Lembing, around 40km from Kuantan.
it can be reached by RapidKuantan bus.

So we started hiking after Subuh prayer, around 6.am.. tinggi Bukit Panorama 320m dan hiking around 150m, tu pun naik tangga je.. and we took almost 1 hour to reach the peak.!
 sebab ikut speed orang yg kurang bersenam, kalau ikut speed aku, aku rasa boleh laju lagi..
so, bila sampai atas dah cerah.. =_=
but the view.....

breathtaking

Picturesque

soul soothing..

memang rewarding. worth the sweat and breath.. ramai gila photographer yang naik awal pagi untuk amik gambar sunrise.. even masa kitorang sampai tu dah cerah sikit, tapi sempat tengok sunrise.. Cantik~~~~
orang yang tak pandai amik gambar pun boleh jadi pandai.. view dia buat stimulate imaginasi aku.. haha.. aku imagine tempat ni macam Shangri-La, yg dalam legend tu.. hahaha

Ain Nasuha ni ada agenda lain sebenarnya.. konon nak hiking la.. padahal nak celebrate birthday Boyfriend beliau.. cisss..

the best pose i can do.

birthday boy n his gf

Group photo!

well, Ain Nasuha n Din ni schoolmate aku sebenarnya, they dunno each other masa kat sekolah..

turn out, they go to the same Uni n get together.. K...(roll eyes)

Schoolmates!

Bukit Panorama hiking trail

Around 8am. kitorang turun dari Bukit Panorama. 

there's a small pasar tani.. the view at the pasar tani is really sentimental.. 

Chinese uncles having their morning coffee at coffee shops, and aunties selling goods from their farms. the buildings looked really old. and there's a small museum abot Sungai Lebing's history there. Too bad, pergi dengan orang yg tak minat sejarah, diorang tak nak masuk museum.. =_=

Next destination, Panching Waterfall.!

 

Damn pretty.. tapi sayangnya air kering sikit.. sebab musim panas.. tapi still cantik n boleh berenang!

 that night pergi makan dengan Syuk, another schoolmates who's currently working in Kuantan.. Gaji 3K kot.. tetiba aku rasa dia makin hensem.. hahaha..
lepas dinner, kitorg pergi round bandar Kuantan, buat apa?? Cari kupu-kupu! hahaha
Syaitoonn punya kawan.. tapi ramai jugak bapok2 yg cantik malam tu..lol!

then, pergi Teluk Chempedak lagi.. Teluk Chempedak is alive at night!

banyak youngsters lepak, dating and buang masa kat situ..  ada Busking!
and ada some sort of Uptown, downtown thing la kat situ.. jalan2 tengok2 je...
Ain nasuha cakap, almost every weekend ada fireworks show kat situ..
memang tempat lepak la situ, ada fastfood restaurant and food court. public toilet pun bersih.. so yea.. lepak je la,, bajet remaja kejap.. haha

well, that's a wrap..

it was an exciting trip, new friends, precious memories and experiences..
my story telling skills are gone..aku tak reti nak cerita, tapi trip ni menarik sebenarnya..
okbaiii..


Nota kaki: one day aku nak pergi Pahang lagi.. Gunung Tahan maybe?